Running Down the RIDICULOUS
The mysterious case of Mitt Romney and his merry band of Negros
By Wilson Nathaniel Thomas
Well certainly by now everyone living on the planet Earth is fully aware of the fact that Mitt Romney’s performance at the 2012 NAACP convention in Houston, Texas was less than stellar, but then again, we are talking about Mitt Romney Right?
I do think that for most people within the African American and Hispanic communities, the most appalling and RIDICULOUS thing about the Mittster’s appearance is the fact that he came to the NAACP convention of all places, bearing the same old tired political casserole that he has been serving up to his base for months now, as he has trotted along the campaign trail. My God Mitt, all of that money and no originality or common sense to go along with it.
In typical Black folk style, convention goers were cordial as they offered Old Mitty Boy a standing ovation at the end of his monstrosity of a speech, and there were a few rather diminished segments of applause throughout the farce, but make no mistake about it, the folks in the hall were not shy at all about expressing their displeasure when Mitt Romney vowed before them for the one millionth time to repeal “Obamacare”.
Now for those of you who missed it and are somehow thinking that Mitty Boy made a mistake, or that he somehow misspoke, let’s just be clear about something here; Mitt Romney gracing the NAACP with his presence had absolutely nothing at all to do with him trying to cross on over in some kind of a Kum Ba Yah moment, and it had absolutely nothing to do with him wanting to show any of the darkies, Hispanics included, that he has any interest in extending an olive branch to our community, or listening to or placing a value on anything that we have to say.
Nope, the Mittster’s sole purpose in bringing his RIDICULOUS, arrogant yet simple hindparts to the NAACP convention was to show all of the Rednecks and the gun toting, no teeth having, racist, Confederate flag waving ignoramuses that he actually had enough nerve, audacity and swagger to walk into a room full of Black folks assembled at the convention of the oldest civil rights organization in the United States, and officially and UNAPOLOGETICALLY give each and every one of them a piece of his pompous butt to kiss. I never once thought that I would ever see the day when those that are the absolute least of us would actually be the ones influencing political discourse and the creation of policy.
Once again, for those of you, who might just be a little late getting to the party, please allow me to be the one to translate in the greatest of clarity exactly the message that Mitt Romney intended and actually did manage to deliver to all BLACK people. In translation the message was this Hey Negros, I just wanted to pop my head in here on your little chitterling circuit shindig to say that you all have had a good run….I mean we gave you people a few rights here and there, and instead of yall staying in yall’s place, you people have taken everything that we good white people have given you and you have just taken it to the extreme.
Now you all have to understand that folks like myself can no longer allow you people to continue to progress in the manner in which you are progressing. Now we keep you in ghettos, provide you with low paying jobs, and put liquor stores on every corner in your neighborhoods. Heck we have even drained just about all of the money out of your public schools, flown in a nice crop of drugs, and have set things up so that you people are all too willing to kill yourselves because we have made so many of you drug addicts, but gosh darn it, some of you people have still managed to not just survive but to thrive. I mean my God; we have a Negro in the White House.
You Negros have just gone too far. Well I Mitt Romney came here today to tell you that we are going to put an end to all of you uppity Negroes. The goal in 2012 is to put yall back in your places. You need to understand that people like me are everything because we have everything and we control everything, and you people, well you are nothing, and you will always be nothing. Sure I will allow some of you to shine my shoes and clean my toilet, but believe me, that is just about all that any of you will ever be good for. Look I am telling all of you people this for your own good, because failure hurts, and well it is just best if you all just allow me and my kind to guide and control everything that you say and do for the rest of your miserable days on this earth.
Now that I have properly translated Romney’s message, I now have to address the most RIDICULOUS part of Romney’s NAACP appearance. You see, that pitiful applause that we all heard throughout his RIDICULOUS speech, actually came from the band of merry Negros that Romney actually flew in the day of his speech. Now you know that you are a pitiful and a RIDICULOUS excuse for a politician when you have to gather a group of Negros to take to the NAACP Convention, to provide yourself with applause. Did Mitt Romney think that no one would notice the 20 Blacks who clapped and laughed at his lame jokes, when it was clear to everyone that they came with him. Convention organizers stated that none of Mitts folks were registered for the convention. Seriously, how stupid does Mitt Romney think that the rest of us are?
All I can say is hold on tight folks because with Mitt Romney as a presidential candidate, we are all in for one bumpy ride, but please be on the lookout, because Mitt Romney and his merry band of Negros just may be coming to a town near you.
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