The Blessings and Challenges of Marriage Timing – Reflections and Real Talk
As a 62-year-old “Single Senior Citizen,” I accepted the call to minister about the issues never-married and divorced folks face—a subject we rarely hear about. Maybe you’re reading this and thinking, “That’s not my problem.” But for us Followers of Christ (the FOCs—committed “Christians”), it’s a conversation we need to have. FOCs are folks who strive to honor God, have accepted Jesus as their Lord and Savior, and actively work to live out what the Bible teaches. In other words, NO GAMES! We take James 1:22 (NIV) seriously: “Do not merely listen to the word and so deceive YOURSELVES. Do what it says.”
I would be remiss to leave out the separate folks. Some of you have been apart for so long that you may feel—and even act—as if you’re single. But let’s remember you’re not single! This is a season to seek God’s guidance above all else. Ask Him to breathe new life and restoration into your marriage. Or ask Him to lead you with grace and wisdom if it’s time to release each other and move on. This is an important major move you must consider. Whether it’s renewal or a new beginning, trust that God has something elevating in store for you. Know that it will take hard, prayerful work on both sides.
First, prepare yourself to use your imagination to see, listen, and meditate on the scenarios we’ll walk through. Ask God: Why am I reading this? Can I have this? Can it really make a difference in my life and the lives of others? If so, please show/tell me how. Our mission is to discover—and truly live out—God’s blueprint for building and rebuilding strong, healthy families and relationships. Consider this letter to the exiles and what it means for you to do today: Jeremiah 29:4-6 (NIV) – “4 This is what the Lord Almighty, the God of Israel, says to all those I carried into exile from Jerusalem to Babylon: 5 “Build houses and settle down; plant gardens and eat what they produce. 6 Marry and have sons and daughters; find wives for your sons and give your daughters in marriage, so that they too may have sons and daughters. Increase in number there; do not decrease.”
I don’t have all the answers, but I do have a lifetime of lived lessons to share. I hope my words bring insight, encouragement, and conviction, no matter where you land on the marriage timeline.
The Pros and Cons of Marrying Young
Let’s address marrying young. The risks are real, but so are the blessings:
- Deeper Friendship: When you marry young, you’re not putting on a show. Most often, you’ve grown up together, and your families may even be neighbors and friends. You get to be yourself, and you grow into adulthood together. That kind of honesty helps build a foundation for a strong, lasting, genuine relationship.
- Shared Planning: Marrying early means you and your spouse get to plan your lives together—everything from education and careers to raising a family. You truly could build something as a team.
- Fewer Intimate Partners: Fewer past relationships usually means less baggage. That can translate into greater trust and intimacy. Just a note: baby mama and baby daddy dramas can come at any age.
- Family Ties: More time to build bonds with your spouse’s family—and that support system can be a valuable asset. You build your own (Christ-centered) relationship based on your own experiences.
- Manageable Expectations: Younger couples are often more adaptable and open to wise counsel. Your expectations are still flexible. Yet your personal experience and willingness to work together will shape your relationship into what you desire. Therefore, be open and honest with each other to be successful, or you’ll be sorry that your relationship does not work for you. Treat marriage like a job – because it is.
But let’s be real. There are challenges:
- Immaturity: Being young can mean inexperience and lack of emotional maturity. Mistakes will happen to everyone. Yet, be sure it’s mistakes and not the fulfillment of foolish, careless, evil desires of your heart. Growth isn’t always easy, but it’s a must and will happen.
- Work Ethics: Some younger spouses haven’t figured out their purpose or careers yet, and that can create stress in marriage at any age.
The Pros and Cons of Waiting to Marry
- Now, what about waiting? Many of us choose to focus on education, careers, or personal growth before settling down. There are real advantages:
- Education and Stability: You’ve had time to hit your educational and financial goals. Maybe you’ve even bought a home.
- Assets and Independence: With age comes more independence and personal achievement, which can help form a solid foundation for marriage.
However, waiting has its own set of challenges!
- Life’s Baggage: The longer we live, the more baggage we collect—sometimes enough to scare off a potential partner. Mental health and physical abuse gained through poor relationships can take its toll on us. And let’s not ignore the elephant in the room: multiple “test drives” can lead to unexpected pregnancies (at any age), soul ties, incurable diseases like herpes, and AIDS. 1 Corinthians 6:19-20 (ESV) reminds us that, 19” Or do you not know that your body is a temple of the Holy Spirit within you, whom you have from God? You are not your own, 20 for you were bought with a price. So glorify God in your body.” 1 Corinthians 6:16 (MSG) says, “There’s more to sex than mere skin on skin. Sex is as much spiritual mystery as physical fact.” WARNING: They’re real. You’ll be surprised to learn what you’ve unwittingly gotten yourself into!
- Busy Lives: As we get older, personal responsibilities pile up. Work, kids, aging parents—dating and marriage can start to feel like just another obligation. Too busy to care until, guess what, you’re 62 years old or more, and realize we’re not going to live forever. Psalm 90:10 (NIV) reminds us that, “As for the days of our [a]life, [b]they contain seventy years, Or if due to strength, eighty years, Yet their pride is only trouble and tragedy; For it quickly passes, and we disappear.
- How many 90-year-olds do you know who are still single and ready to mingle? Not many. It’s time to do something different.
- Stranger Danger: The older we get, the more complex the histories we encounter. You never know if someone you’re drawn to is hiding a dark past. We’re a nation of great people mingled with mass serial killers, rapists, and murderers. We must do all we can to protect ourselves (men and women) against the wiles of these kinds of people. While prayer is what we should do most of the time, we’ll definitely need Paul’s instructions in Ephesians 6:18, where he said, “And pray in the Spirit on all occasions with all kinds of prayers and requests,” for our protection and guidance. Thus, do your research; share who you are dating with your loved one(s), and your location. Never be too ashamed to ask for help. We’ve all had our share of embarrassing moments.
- Sharing: Some women will settle for sharing a man (NOT ME), and vice versa – I’ve seen it done. How do we know this? Isaiah 4:1 (KJV) tells it straight: “1 In that day seven women will take hold of one man and say, ‘We will eat our own food and provide our own clothes; only let us be called by your name. Take away our disgrace!” But as you read on further, God did not approve of this behavior; it doesn’t have to be this way.
- Sky-High Expectations: As we age, we know what we want—but sometimes our standards become so high that we miss out on a good match. Remember, height, good looks, a fine physique, or a lot of money might give you something beautiful and sparkly but won’t necessarily build a good relationship. It’s your job to do that; they don’t magically happen.
- Limited Options: The dating pool shrinks, and many available partners are separated (still in a covenant relationship with God), divorced, or widowed—and not always looking for marriage. Some have even promised their deceased partner they would not remarry. By the way, if you are one of those couples, did you know that is an ungodly, selfish, bogus promise based on Matthew 22:30 (NIV) “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven.” Therefore, everyone who’s made that promise is unbound from this day forward. You are free to find a spouse and marry. You are no longer under the curse of that manipulative spouse who’s moved into eternity. It’s even okay to start singing Rev. Milton Brunson’s song, “I’m Free,” and to marry. You are no longer bound!
Personal Reflections: Regrets or Lessons Learned?
You might wonder if I have regrets. Honestly, yes. Can I change the past? No. Would I, if I could? Not a chance. My son, Gabriel Justice, is the biggest blessing of my life, and I wouldn’t trade him for anything. If I could, things could be better, but they could also be a whole lot worse. Thus, my answer to starting life over again is still NO! Life is a tapestry of choices, and only God knows how things would have turned out if we’d taken a different path.
I’ve never had an issue with young marriage, as I’ve seen older couples fail far more than they do at marriage. My parents married young—about 22—after just a two-and-a-half-month courtship. Their marriage wasn’t perfect (I haven’t heard of one without incident), but their commitment and faithfulness lasted 43 years, until my father passed away in 1996. Interesting fact: Unbeknown My father had proposed to another woman (the mother of his first child), but she said no because he was from a poor family. So, seeking wisdom, he asked an elder for advice, who directed him to a good wife. She’d just started working at a restaurant in Eastman, GA. They met in October, married in January—a whirlwind romance. I don’t think so, but I’ll share more about their journey another time.
Wherever you are in your life’s journey—single, married, or somewhere in between, consider the unique opportunities and challenges that come with your own timing. There’s no one-size-fits-all for happiness. Find wisdom by reflecting on the choices you make, seeking God’s guidance, and being honest with yourself about what truly matters. Never believe the lie that God did not intend for you to marry! 1 Corinthians 7:8-9 (NIV) says, “8 Now to the unmarried[a] and the widows I say: It is good for them to stay unmarried, as I do. 9 But if they cannot control themselves, they should marry, for it is better to marry than to burn with passion. Clear? Sure, it is!
I’ll be diving deeper into these topics moving forward. Our stories and struggles matter—because in them, we find grace, growth, and maybe even a compatible spouse. Most of all, we will help each other build better relationships.
Let’s keep the conversation going, FOCs! I want to hear from you. Please share your questions, concerns, support, or disagreements. I would be honored to officiate your wedding—even at short notice. As a guest speaker, I facilitate, teach, and preach prepared material during your training sessions on Christian singleness and customer service skills. Please feel free to contact me at LisaGTimmons@gmail.com.