Legacy Talk™
By Lisa McCurdy, The Legacy Architect™
Last month we talked about the four documents every adult needs: a will, a durable power of attorney, a healthcare directive, and updated beneficiary designations. If you have those in place, you have done something most people put off for years. But signing the paperwork is only half the job. The other half is a conversation that most families never have out loud.
Here is what I mean. You name your oldest daughter as executor. You name your husband as your healthcare agent, and your sister as the backup. You put those names on paper, file the documents, and move on with your life. Then one day something happens, and your family finds out who is in charge for the first time, in the middle of a crisis, instead of ahead of it.
Three Things That Go Unspoken
In nearly thirty years of doing this work, I see the same three problems come up again and again, in families with very different amounts of money.
The first is unspoken favoritism. A parent names one child to handle everything, without ever telling the other children why, or telling them at all. The sibling left out finds out at the worst possible moment, and reads it as a verdict on who was loved best, instead of what it usually is: a decision about who lives nearby, or who is good with paperwork, or who stays calm under pressure.
The second is unclear identity. As parents age, roles shift. The child who was always the baby of the family may now be the one making medical decisions for a parent. The sibling who left home for a career may now be managing the family home from a distance. Nobody sat everyone down to say the roles had changed, so old assumptions stay in place long after they stop fitting.
The third is unchecked assumptions. Families assume everyone knows where the documents are. They assume everyone agrees on what “taking care of Mom” means. They assume the sibling who was named executor actually wants the job. None of that is checked until it has to be, and by then it is too late to ask calmly.
Looking Back to Move Forward
There is an old African principle, Sankofa, often pictured as a bird reaching back for an egg while still moving ahead. It means it is never wrong to go back for what you left behind. Families carry this same wisdom without naming it: the parent who tells stories about how the family survived hard times, the elder who explains why the house matters, the grandmother who says out loud who she trusts and why. That is Sankofa in practice. It is also exactly the conversation your documents are missing.
You do not need a lawyer in the room for this part. You need a kitchen table, or a phone call, or a Sunday after church. Tell your children who you named and why. Ask the person you named whether they are willing to do it. Give the ones you did not name a reason, even a simple one, so they are not left guessing.
Your Next Step
If your documents are already signed, your next step is not another form. It is a conversation. Pick one person named in your plan and tell them, this week, what you are asking of them and why. That single conversation will do more to protect your family than the documents alone ever could.
Author’s Bio
Lisa McCurdy is the Founder and Managing Partner of The Wealth Counselor, LLC,, and Founder and CEO of Defining Legacy Group. For nearly three decades, she has advised high-net-worth families on the intersection of wealth, family dynamics, and legacy. Through her Legacy on Purpose® philosophy and the LegacyMakers® platform, Lisa has built a practical framework that helps families articulate their values, align across generations, and carry their legacies forward with clarity and confidence. Connect with Lisa on LinkedIn: https://www.linkedin.com/in/lisamccurdyhankins/