By Beverly Ferguson
Originally posted 7/5/2012
Come walk with me for a moment Along grief’s painful journey From the fright to the funeral From the coroner’s cold, steel gurney.
Death came tragically and swift The pain was beyond belief It was a debilitating duo Immeasurable!!! Overwhelming grief!!!
Death snatched my nephew cruelly In the blackness of a Texan night He encountered a hit and run driver Who ended his 26-year old life.
She was as strong as a raging bull But challenges eventually wore her down While checking off her bucket list The massive attack took the best mother around.
Come walk with me for a moment Down grief’s memory lane Take away a nugget or two It may totally change your sympathy game.
You see, invalidating memories were created During the worst time of our life Instead of a kind word or heart-felt embrace Your insensitivity sliced deep like a knife.
“Healing will come in time.” “You should be happy he’s suffering no more.” “This was God’s will for your mother.” “She’ll be waiting for you at Heaven’s door.”
“You’ll get over it in time.” “Oh! She’s in a better place.” “Suck it up and move on.” Are memories we must work hard to erase.
Truthfully, we wanted to erase you! From our life journal forever Why would you deepen our pain!?!? Thought those words would help us feel better!?!?
We’re not standing in the future Nor are we a memory from your past Living, but barely breathing in this present moment With grief likened to a shotgun blast.
Then we reflectively realized Ignorance is the root and the reason Simply a total lack of knowledge Of appropriate words during grief’s season. “I’m so sorry for your loss.” “I can’t imagine how you must feel.” “Let me take the kids, run some errands.” “Here’s a gift to the spa and your favorite meal.”
“I’m calling just to check in on you.” “Is there something specific I can do?” “Give yourself all the time you need.” “I’ll be here for you, to help as you journey through.”
Even the deafening sound of sensitive silence A warm, loving and genuine embrace Is more soothing and sustainable Than hurtful words spewed in haste.
No, we choose not to annihilate you Your intentions were definitely not to harm But words do cut deep, so if hey fail you Try silence and loving, sympathetic arms.
No, we choose not to annihilate you But the damaging memories we will surely replace With loving and beautiful visions And continue our journey with forgiveness & grace.
Come walk with us for a moment Along grief’s painful journey We need your ongoing love and support Or one of us will be next on that gurney.
Come walk with us for a moment Because one day you’ll walk in our shoes It is our hope that this poem Has strategies you can embrace and use.
