By Kate Common
The old normal passed away. Grieving is part of our resistance.
We are in a collective grief process. The old normal passed away. We are not getting it back, at least not anytime soon. And so, the destabilization we are feeling right now is two-fold. First, the destabilization that we feel from the flooding of the zone, which is by design, and part of a playbook we knew was coming. They told us. But what we did not expect was another destabilization—that is, the destabilization that comes with grief.
Grief does not only show up as sadness. Grief shows up as anger, anxiety, panic, fear, numbness, apathy, general feelings of destabilization, and of course sadness too. And the feelings can swirl in and out quickly, contributing to the overall sense of destabilization. Sound familiar?
We are in a collective grief process.
The old way of being is no longer here. The world is fundamentally changed right now. Our bodies know this. Our bodies do not like this. My body hates this. And I am aggrieved by the callous cruelty I am witnessing. And, my body is grieving the loss of the old normal. Those of us who experienced relative stability and privilege in the old normal, may feel we are suddenly thrust into an awakened sense of vulnerability—this represents a huge loss of stability—this is a huge loss, period.
Please know that it is ok to grieve this loss. In fact, it is necessary to tend this grief, to give it space to roil, give it space to move, so that it can heal. Please do not judge this grief, in yourself or others. Grief is the body’s way of navigating hard change and loss, so that we can get through it and find new ground on the other side.
There is no bypassing grief, the only way through grief, is well, through it. But knowing that the destabilization of grief is the body’s way of making sense of a new normal, can lessen the panic of the destabilization. In my twenties I lost my dad and brother in a tragic accident. I dealt with severe panic attacks. Once I learned panic was a symptom of grief, the panic lessened. It can be hugely reassuring knowing that grief is a process, and that grief destabilization will not always be part of the new normal. I got through that grief. We will get through this one.
Let us tend to our grief right now.
Let us mourn, let us nap, let us care for our hurting selves as we make way for a new ground. We do not need to like this process, but if we can give ourselves space to grieve, we allow our bodies to re-form into a new normal. By doing so we will have more energy and resolve for the communities and the work we are called to during this time.
Grief is likened to a teeter-totter. One minute you are up and feeling ok, and the next minute the bottom drops out and you think you cannot go on. Many, myself included, are feeling this bottom drop right now. As grief moves through and our bodies start to stabilize, the emotional bottom drops out less. We find a new stability, and from there our soul force returns, stronger than ever.
If you can, spend time this week, even for only a moment, and acknowledge you are grieving. Reassure yourself that you will not always feel this destabilized, even in a newly destabilized world. Know that your body needs tending to right now and be gentle with yourself. Grief is like an injury that needs time to heal. If you can give yourself a little extra rest in the next weeks ahead, specifically acknowledging to yourself that you are in grief process, this can help.
Grieving is part of our resistance.
Grieving is our action right now. If we can give ourselves space to grieve during this time, and not rush to other action, our bodies can start to heal and integrate the massive shift we just went through. We will find new ground. Our resolve will return. Our strength will return. Our creativity will return. We will certainly feel destabilized at times, but it will not be at the level we are feeling now.
Flooding the zone during a grief process is by design meant to destabilize us to the point where we are not able to function well, where we lose all hope. But if we can recognize what is happening and give ourselves space and permission to grieve, we can come through this grief stronger than ever and ready to give our grounded selves to the work. When we get through grief, we may even find new hope on the other side. A hope we could not see or feel in the destabilizing roils, but one that is calling us to keep going. Let’s grieve. And then let’s go.
Kate Common, Ph.D., is a professor of theology and writes and teaches about the Bible, the church, and the common good.
