Ain’t That A VHIT
Learning to Lead Beyond What Happened—To Us and By Us
By Von C. Howard
I recently had an unscripted conversation with a colleague, one of those moments that does not show up on your calendar and cannot be rehearsed. It was real, unpolished, and necessary. What began as casual dialogue turned into a moment of truth telling, where titles were put down and honesty took the lead. As we talked, we realized that although our experiences unfolded in different professional settings and personal spaces, the situations themselves felt familiar to us both. Different rooms. Same lessons. By the end of the conversation, it was clear that the exchange itself was a step forward for both of us, personally and professionally.
That conversation surfaced a truth many people have lived with but struggle to name: growth requires learning how to close the door behind you and walk through the door in front of you. Closing the door does not mean forgetting what happened. It means choosing not to carry it with you. For some, this looks like leaving a workplace where your contributions were consistently overlooked. For others, it may be stepping away from a role you outgrew but stayed in out of loyalty or fear. And sometimes, it means releasing the version of yourself that responded out of frustration instead of clarity. Some of what we carry happened to us. Some happened by us. Both deserve reflection. Neither should define us.
We also talked about how difficult it is to move forward when your name or character has been questioned. Many of us know what it feels like to walk into a room knowing a conversation happened before we arrived. Maybe a rumor was passed along. Maybe your intentions were misunderstood. Maybe your silence was mistaken for weakness. The instinct is to explain yourself, to clear the air at every turn. But lived experience teaches that not every narrative requires your response. Often, showing up consistently, doing the work with integrity, and letting time reveal the truth speaks louder than any defense ever could.
Remaining your best self in chaotic moments is not about perfection; it is about posture. Chaos can look like office politics, family tension, or seasons where nothing seems stable. Being your best self may mean choosing not to respond to an email immediately because emotion is speaking louder than wisdom. It may mean listening more than you talk or taking a breath before making a decision that cannot be undone. These small choices shape how we grow.
Walking through the door in front of you takes courage. It often means stepping into uncertainty while leaving behind familiarity, even when that familiarity includes pain you learned to manage. Some doors close because the season has ended. Others close because staying would keep you from becoming who you are meant to be.
This reflection is for anyone who has been there or will be. Life and leadership are not just about opening doors for others. They are also about knowing when to close one for yourself. Close it honestly. Walk forward intentionally. And trust that growth often begins with a real conversation and a brave step into what’s next.
