Why residual effects of domestic violence cause some to snap

The Religion Corner

Why residual effects of domestic violence cause some to snap

By Lyndia Grant Special to the NNPA from  The Washington Informer

     The late Farrah Fawcett earned Emmy and Golden Globe nominations for her portrayal of Francine Hughes in the 1984 television movie “The Burning Bed.” The TV adaptation shows flashbacks while Francine stands trial for murder after she snapped one day. She poured gasoline around the bed of her sleeping spouse, doused him, lit a match and walked away. Her husband, Mickey, drove her over the edge after more than a decade of domestic abuse.

The purpose of this column is to show how some of us get out of domestic violence successfully, while others, like a former co-worker, simply snap. They lose their minds or they kill the perpetrator the way Fawcett’s character, Francine, did in the movie.

Thank God I didn’t snap! Forty years ago, I married a tall, handsome Marine who turned out to be violent. I was 19-years-old, and I had a “good government job” working for the U.S. Tariff Commission, which is now known as the International Trade Commission. Some of my co-workers there have become my best friends. But one of them changed.

The violence in my marriage began during my honeymoon. It frightened me terribly that my husband grabbed me around my throat, choking me because of something I said that displeased him. Shocked by what had happened, I jumped on the telephone with a teary plea to my father, asking him to come and get me.

By the time Daddy arrived, my husband had persuaded me to stay. He hugged, apologized, and was kind. It was only just beginning. Today, I’m not sorry I stayed. I have three beautiful, adult children and three lovely grandchildren as a result of that union.

I’m a firm believer in Romans 8:28, which reads, “And I know that all things work together for good, to them who love the Lord, and who are called according to His purpose.”

My co-worker’s story didn’t end very well. She had been a minister, married with two children, a boy and a girl. She appeared happy, came from the Pentecostal faith. She shouted, preached and loved the Lord. She was a special person.

Here’s what happened to her: About 15 years later, after having lived in California with my husband and children, I returned home to Washington, D.C., to start my business. One day, in the grocery store, I ran into my former co-worker – my minister friend. It was the end of the year, and she invited me to her home to bring in the new year together with her and a few friends.

Back from California after seven years, I had no plans, so I accepted. That evening, I realized something was different about her. She was dancing like a crazy woman to “Little Red Corvette” by Prince. She danced with such frenzy that I thought, “And this woman was a staunch saved minister, who talked about the Lord, quoted scriptures and acted saved.” Something had changed!

Although I was afraid to ask, soon she shared her life story with me. She told me that she was an outpatient from St. Elizabeths Hospital in Southeast, with the armband to prove it. She said her husband had held a gun to her head and played Russian roulette, taunting her with each click of the trigger. She said that she fully expected to die with this lethal game of chance. He chased her down the street with his car in an attempt to run her over. He beat her; he tortured her. It was all too much. It caused her to snap.

It matters how much strength you have within. I don’t know if she was a young Christian. I might have been abused on the outside, but the Christ in me kept me. My friend, on the other hand, didn’t fare as well. Will you come out of the violence whole, or will you snap?