Ask Alma
My niece didn’t invite me to her wedding
By Alma Gill, NNPA Columnist
Dear Alma,
I have never been this shocked and pissed all at the same time. My niece must be trippin! She has got to be crazy! I just received a group email of pictures of her wedding with a note that says here are the pictures from my wedding. What wedding! I didn’t even know she was getting married. This was not a backyard just pulled together in a couple of days weddings, either. This was in a beautiful location in one of the historic districts in our city. She had a large bridal party of 10. Everybody in our family was there, all of our family and friends. I have four sisters and all of them were there except me. All of our cousins, aunts, and uncles. The only two people who weren’t there were me and my mother. I talk to my sister on a regular basis and how in the world could she not mention her wedding. I can’t believe this! How could she pull off such an elaborate event without inviting us?
Alma: Well, as kind and as gently as I can declare, TBT, she didn’t want you or your mother to attend. Which brings to mind this question: What exactly did her auntie and grandma do or say that would exclude them from her wedding? Why did she obviously tell her mom/your sister/her grandma’s daughter and the rest of the wedding party not to include you in the planning? Ok see, you ain’t giving me all the ingredients to this cheesy beef casserole. Where’s the meat?
You and I both know that every bride that’s able painstakingly takes the time to dream, plan and execute the best wedding she can possibly imagine. She surrounds herself with the people she loves and all the friends and family members who are important to her and her impending groom. Again, I ask, what did you do? You had to say or participate in something so hurtful or trifling, that it made her not want to share this special day with you.
Think back. What was it? Clearly, whatever it is, it’s huge. The four of you, yes, I said four, the bride, her mother (your sister), you and your mom need a cool and calm, let me try to understand where you’re coming from. No weapons allowed. Sit down around the kitchen table. She’s hurt, deeply! And you need to find out the root cause of the problem. I’m sure you, as her aunt, and your mom, her grandmother were heartbroken to find out about the wedding in a group email and on Facebook. Carry that empathy to the table. Let her know you were surprised and shocked that you missed such a special occasion in her life and even more dumbfounded that you were not invited to be a part of it. Keep it plain and simple, all you need is one word: Why? When she speaks, keep silent, and listen. Stop, rewind, press play – I said yawl (you and your mama); you just need to listen. She has something heavy on her heart that needs to be said. If you listen with your broken heart and overflow of unconditional love, you can mend this.
There will be many a sad occasion for everybody to congregate. You know kinfolks are never too busy to attend funerals, Life’s too short to miss out on joyful celebrations. Be the first to apologize and fix this family foolishness. Stop wasting what should be treasurable times and magical memories.
Alma Gill’s newsroom experience spans more than 25 years, including various roles at USA Today, Newsday and the Washington Post. Email questions to:alwaysaskalma@gmail.com. Follow her on Facebook at “Ask Alma” and twitter @almaaskalma.
