Love and Respect

The Gantt Report

By Lucius Gantt

Every marriage or committed relationship will change. I know most people believe a courtship relationship will last forever but it won’t. Some relations improve and get better but other relations deteriorate and get much worse.

Changes are not necessarily the man’s or woman’s fault. It’s just the way life is. That’s the way the world is.

The young become the old, winter turns into spring, the night turns into the next day.

There are two things that are necessary for relationships to last, love and respect.

A woman wants a man that loves her, compliments her, protects her, values her, helps her, wants only her, and so forth.

A man wants to be respected, appreciated, encouraged, supported, acknowledged, and more.

I tell my two daughters; and my son, it takes more than a minute to tell if a man or woman is truly THE ONE.

I tell my kids; if a man or woman is “easy”, they are probably not the one.

Most spouses enjoy relationships when the eyes are sparkling, the smiles are big, the trips are romantic, the sex is memorable, and the communication is regular and acceptable.

What do you do when things turn left? What do you do when your spouse or partner can’t stop lying, can’t stop cheating, can’t stop drinking and getting high, can’t control their negative tongue, can’t control their emotions, and can’t stop discussing your private marriage or relationship issues and concerns with their girlfriends and homeys?

If you want your relationship to last, you discuss problems and concerns with each other and try to work out any relationship issues.

When a woman is fed up an easy tell is how the love life changes. Sex is different and less frequent, there are more headaches, more tummy aches, and she’s tired or needs more sleep before a busy workday.

A man will claim to have more and longer workdays, car problems, family emergencies, and other reasons to stay away from an unhappy home.

A man doesn’t require a woman to “love” him, but things will go better if his woman at least acts like she loves him and wants him.

A man wants respect. The designated hitter wants to be recognized and appreciated for all of the things he does right.

The idea that a man should bow down to, honor, and praise every woman he sleeps with is just as inappropriate as saying a woman should control a man, disparage a man, and belittle any man whom she has sex with. Both are crazy ideas that must be abandoned.

When people get married or in a committed relationship, two become one.

What’s his, or her’s, becomes ours!

Relationships should be partnerships. Black men and women that seek longevity together must work together to address relationship issues. They should help each other. They should support each other. They should try their best to understand each other.

Marriages and relationships should never be a battle to see who the boss should be. Sometimes, and in some relationship discussions, the man is right and at other times, the woman is right.

There is, however, a thing called irreconcilable differences. If one partner wants to grow and evolve and the other partner wants to stay the same forever, a change in relationship status is highly possible.

Everything must change. Nothing remains the same.

There are very good marriages and committed relationships but there are no perfect relationships.

When your relationship goes south and changes a little bit, don’t let your friends and family urge you to run from a relationship that gives you 80% of what you want and need to try and chase what looks like it could be a 100% soul mate.

That man or woman that looks good from afar; oftentimes, is far from looking or being good!

When looking for love, take your time and do it right! Keep the love and the respect.