Ain’t That A VHIT
By Von C. Howard
Many men, especially Black men, move through life wearing a smile that holds more weight than most people will ever understand. It is a practiced smile, a protective smile, a survival smile. Behind it lives a world of pressure, expectations, quiet fears, unspoken disappointments, and dreams we were not always told we had permission to pursue. I know this kind of smile well because I wear it too.
Some days we carry so much that the smile becomes the strongest part of us. We push ourselves to keep going even when our spirits whisper that we need rest. We become anchors for families, communities, workplaces, yet often feel like we have nowhere to anchor ourselves. And the world, while quick to admire our strength, seldom pauses long enough to ask what it costs us to uphold it.
The truth is simple but rarely spoken aloud: we are tired, not because we are weak, but because we have carried too much for too long. Men, Black men in particular, have been conditioned to believe that rest is optional, that emotions are liabilities, and that endurance is the only acceptable response to life’s challenges. But the body keeps score. The heart keeps score. And the soul grows weary beneath the weight we pretend not to feel.
What many don’t realize is how deeply we feel things. A small comment can replay in our minds for days. A disappointment can sit on our chest like a stone. A moment of rejection can echo long after the world moves on. Our sensitivity is real, even when we hide it well. Feeling deeply does not make us less of a man, it confirms that we are human.
And beneath that emotional weight sit the dreams we placed on the back burner. Dreams we quieted because life demanded responsibility first. But hear this clearly: your dreams did not expire. Your purpose is still active. Your calling still matters. You are allowed to start again, this time believing in possibilities that once felt out of reach.
Choosing joy is a form of resistance. Joy does not dismiss the pressure; it creates light within it. And self-love, genuine, patient, forgiving self-love, is the foundation of healing. Black men must learn that loving ourselves as we grow, evolve, stumble, and rise is not selfish. It is necessary. It is survival.
There are words men need to hear more often: You are doing better than you think. Your presence has impact. You deserve love that is safe. You are allowed to start over. Rest is not weakness, rest is renewal.
Behind my own smile is a man learning these truths every day. Behind yours may be the same. Yet in every hidden struggle, there is resilience, hope, faith, and the courage to keep becoming who we are meant to be.
AFFIRMATION FOR THE JOURNEY
Today, we will strive to release the weight we were never meant to carry alone.
We will strive to honor both our strength and our softness with compassion and honesty.
We will strive to choose joy, clarity, rest, and self-love without guilt or hesitation.
We will strive to pursue our dreams boldly, trust our purpose fully, and believe in the men we are becoming.
We will strive to remember that we matter, that our presence has impact, our stories have value, and behind our smiles lives resilience, hope, and a testimony God is still beautifully writing.
